There is a funny thing about love. And that is the fact you never tell as to whom your mate will be. Regardless of how long the relationship may be, we never know who out there will be the one we call our mate. You may have similar interests, backgrounds or have the same sense of humor, but through it all one question sticks out among many folks out in the world today. Does age have a bearing on whether or not to enter a relationship? Some feel that you will eventually fall in love with someone half your age but the thing is how can you tell?
And is that a deciding factor in getting in a relationship? Many are opposed to this as they feel the gap could cause a great deal of issues within the relationship itself. There are many different opinions about whether age factors play a huge role in a relationship. Some people say it does not matter and others say it is everything. Some people are like me, sort of in the middle. Age is just a number, or is it? One might think that if a man has been alive for forty five years, than he should possess be somewhat mature as far being experienced in relationships.
Well in some cases, while the forty year-old may be experienced, when it comes to being mature he may not be all the way there. While a person may have experienced a lot of different things in their life, it does not necessarily mean that they have learned from them. It is a sad fact that some people just never grow up. This may be fortunate or unfortunate depending on how you look at it. However, it is a fact of life. If you date this kind of person you are more than likely in for a rocky relationship Maturity is more a matter of personality than age.
According to journalist Vidhi Agrawal, the question of age and relationships is really difficult to answer, especially when the Cupid’s arrow strikes and you fall in love with a person who is 10 years your senior or 15 years younger to you. In historic times, it was common for a man of 30 or 40 years to marry a teenage girl. Then came the period where the difference ranged between two and seven years, with the man being older. Back then there was a simple logic was simple: the man would be the bread winner while the wife would provide babies. (Agrawal, 2012) In my opinion, I feel that age does matter in relationships.
While, it’s not the most important factor it does play a key role in whether or not the relationship sustains a lengthy period or it’s just a seasonal fling. There are issues that need to be considered with relationships that have a noticeable difference in age. These issues are not insurmountable, yet they are obstacles that must be considered and dealt with if the relationship is going to be successful and meaningful to both parties. I feel this way because in these days in time relationships are like the wind. Everyday it seems like most couples break up as fast as they fall in love.
While numerous married couples who differ in age now ended up married, they also end up having a divorce due to either: financial problems, fights, or cheating spouses so spending a long time growing old together seem impossible in this day and age. Most relationships today only start with physical attraction or infatuation like magnets but we all know that we are people so we will have desires and attractions to the opposite (or same sex). Choosing someone that is right for the age is probably a suitable solution to lessen breaking hearts and emotional distress. Another reason I feel that age matters is because people nowadays create labels.
When a young man or woman dates an older man or woman he/she is commonly called “cougar”, on the other hand, when an old man or woman dates younger ones he/she is commonly called a “pedophile”. These two labels doesn’t apply to people who dates 1 year to 4 years older or younger, it only applies to people who are really old like five to ten years age gap. Also in some cultures, age gap are still approved when the parents of two persons are close friends and they talk about the future of their children and starting to pre-arrange their son and daughter’s marriage when both parents know that they are at the right age. Marsh, 2010) In addition, we define our goals, experiences and milestones in life by age. For example, by 21, most people will be a graduate, will have worked for five years and then completed a MBA by 28 and started their own company. Marry and settled with kids by 32, work hard for the next 15 years and then begin retirement planning. See, this is how the average person generally planned their life. So when an older man marries a woman much younger to him, there can be conflicts over preferences and goals.
She will want to be go out more and engage in active pursuits while he will have that, “been there, done that” feeling/attitude and may not participate eagerly. Similarly, the balance of power and dominance would always be on the side of the older spouse because he/she is more matured, wise and experienced. To them, younger spouses’ need for indulgence may appear histrionics and attention-seeking behavior. The difference in age could also deepen with time after many years with the partner, thus causing problems.
At first, they have a lot of common interests but after many years somewhere between 5 and10 years, while one of them is getting old, the other one is still young in body and spirit. Because of this it would be hard to cope with and keep up with one another because they have simply grown apart. This may lead to break ups. Also, an age gap can have an influence on a relationship by the fact it could lead to three main problems which are the sickness and health, different opinions and the child issue. Sometimes the age gap could be very embarrassing.
For example, when a couple goes out to do shopping to buy clothes and things for them and their children and suddenly the sales assistant talks to the woman/man and tells him/her is that person your daddy/mommy?. That would be very embarrassing and not acceptable even though the person does not mean what he says because in the first place he does not know that this person is her husband. The embarrassment that comes from such relationships with age difference makes the younger partner thinking about why he is putting him/herself in such situation, while he could be with person who looks exactly like his age without any embarrassments.
This makes lots of marriages fail. Therefore, having healthy relationship without age gap will tackle this problem and makes the couples live happily without embarrassments forever. (Twoface, 2009) An example for these kinds of relationships is that of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. The recently divorced couple was married with an age gap of thirteen years (Demi being around forty and Ashton being around twenty-seven). In these age gap relationships, there were real differences in their interest in physical activities that eventually resulted to the divorce.
While many feel like I feel on this subject, there are those who differ with me on this issue. While many feel age will play a deciding factor in a potential break-up, on the contrary, you have those who feel age does not matter in a relationship because in most cases they want someone to match their level of maturity, having a strong commitment to each other, and having someone serious to talk in a personal way. You have those who feel they have either outgrown their age range or are just mature for their age (whether it’s due to circumstances or surroundings) so they seek companionship with mates older than they are.
You have those who feel as long as both are mature and are making their own choices than age should not really matter. Another factor one will state in the case of age matters is that the younger person would benefit from the older person’s wisdom and experience and the older person feels as if he has been given new life by the ego boost they get from having someone so young finding them attractive. With that the relationships would be based on only having benefits from each other. These kinds of relationships that based on having benefits from each other have never worked before and will never work (Vilbert & Lloyd, 2010).
In conclusion, age does really matter in a relationship in some degree and that’s based on whether the two individuals can handle their relationship with a sense of responsibility and commitment based on their level of maturity in sharing their personal outlooks and goals from their life experiences. (Realsexfacts, 2006) Age gap relationships will always be frowned upon mainly due to their abnormality. Most people would look at a 50 year old and a 25 year old together and think “that’s just not right”. I would say for the most part age does matter in a relationship.
While you do not want the age gap to be too significant due to practical reasons like how long the person might have until they die or at what age they will stop having sex and procreating. Also, lifestyle and cultural differences might emerge if there is a significant age difference. There will in most cases be a lot of protests from friends and family, so opt for something like this only when you are ready to stand against them. This in turn depends upon whether you are sure about what exists between the two of you and its all that you really want in life. This is not to say that there are no exceptions.
Those are always out there and I guess you should get to know your partner well and know what you are getting into before taking any chances with your life. Follow your gut. The heart wants what the heart wants in the end. It does not matter how ridiculous it may look to other people. References (2006). Relationships and Age Difference. Realsexfacts. com. Retrieved 10 March, 2013 from: http://www. realsexedfacts. com/relationships-age-difference. html Agrawal, V. (2012). Age Factor in Marriage and Relationships. BollywoodShaddis. com Retrieved 10 March 2013 from: http://www. bollywoodshaadis. om/article/lifestyle–health/relationships/age-factor-in-marriage-and-relationships Marsh, T. (2009). Does Age Really Matter In Relationships?. Love, Life and Relationships: Terrymarshworld. blogspot. Retrieved 10 March, 2013 from: http://www. terrymarshworld. blogspot. com/2010/03/does-age-really-matter-in-a-relationship. html Twoface. (2009). Does Age Matter. Socyberty. Retrieved 10 March 2013 from: http://socyberty. com/relationships/does-age-matter-age-gap-relationships/ Vilbert, D & Lloyd, A (2010). Does A Big Age Difference Doom A Relationship?. Living. MSN. Retrieved 10 March 2013 from: http://living. msn. com/love-relationships