The Beautiful Nightmare Back in November last year,as I wokeup to the blistening sun shining through my window, I blinked my eyes to clear the my blurry sight. With the excruciating pain that poked my eyes, I walked to the mirror and was surprised to look at my red eyes. That was not the worst part, as I focused more into my eyes on the mirror, I realised that at the center of my eyeballs, there was a white bulge, round and small.
Not even an hour later,my mother and I were already sitting on a comfortable blue sofa ,waiting for my turn to be called at the eye specialist clinic. After a few complicated examinations ,my mother and I had to face a bad news. I had a corneal ulcer on my left eye and it’s quite critical. Even the cold air conditioned room felt so warm when the optician futher explained my condition to my mother and I. At that moment, all I could think of was, What am I to do? SPM is just a week away and my eyes were bandaged and unwrapped only to put the eyedrop every 15 mins.
After a whole week full of inconvenience to study and excruciating pain to the extent that I could barely even get my eyes open by a millimetre, the optician decides to unwrap my right eye so that I will be able to do my examinations. I did my best in the examination,with all the knowledge I’ve instilled before that nightmare. Months passed by and I still have sore eyes every once in a while and sometimes I could barely open my eyes and at times I feel that my surrounding seemed too bright for me to even look at, when they’re actually not.
There were days I wouldn’t even bother looking at my unattractive face in the mirror, scared that I might be frightened by my own eyes. Never the less, I could not express my feelings in words when I went to my school, SMK Assunta to get my SPM results. Though it may not be the best nor did it reach my expectations, but when I reflect back on the incident and my conditionin which I was doing my examinations, I was more than happy with my results and the delectation that was bestowed upon me by the Allah Almighty.
Not too long after that, after a few interviews and offers, here I am , at Mara College Seremban, pursuing my studies , doing what I love best, English. Its been more than three months here, there have been many obstacles and challenges, not only from the overload of assignments and responsibilities,but from the social interactions between the students here too. Noone is always satisfied with anyone or anything, theres always a sense of negativity in everyone here, which was never a problem back in Assunta.
However, I believe that none of this should bring me down. Those who matters to me wont mind , and those who mind don’t matter to me at all. Yes, my eyes still bother me. Its getting worse actually. There were days I could not open my eyes in class as it seemed too bright to my eyes that I felt really bad when the teacher thought I’m sleepy. There were also moments when I could not complete my assignments at night especially when the lights go off and I need to rely on the study lamp which caused my eyes to hurt even more.
However I believe, that Allah Almighty would not let me go through something that I couldn’t go through. He knows me best and he knows I’m strong enough to go through all this. I’ll succeed, even with all these contradicting emotions and conflicts around me,just like I did with my SPM examinations. That unforgettable nightmare may have brought me down once, but it will be at the back of my head, burning the spirit to fight and live my life the way I want to.
When the time comes, once I’m done with A-levels, I will be strong enough to go though that scary eye operation. From now on, I’ll look at things one at a time, I know there will be more problems and obstacles for me to overcome, but I also believe that I will be strong enough to cross that bridge when I come to it. As for now, holding tight to that nightmare, I’m planning to paint my life as beautiful as possible .