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Parenting Techniques

Behavior Parent Training on Fathers Parenting The Behavioral parent training programs have been developed to address child behavior problems through improvement in parenting practices. The triple P or Positive Training Program is widely reported as an effective, evidence based program for parents. However this journal demonstrates that there are significant differences in the program’s effectiveness for mothers and fathers. The analysis on this journal demonstrates that The Positive Parenting Program shows a large effectiveness on mothers while having a smaller effect on fathers parenting practices.

Considering that fathers make a significant contribution to child development. It is now well accepted that “poor” parenting practices will have significant impacts on children’s emotional and behavioral wellbeing. Parents’ harsh inconsistent discipline, inadequate supervision, and a lack of positive relationship have been shown to increase children’s behavior problems and later on in life lead to substance abuse, antisocial behavior and criminal activities.

In order to strengthen parenting competencies and improve parent-child interactions a wide range of Behavioral Parent Training programs have been developed. According to the journal’s analysis the Positive Parenting Program is very effective when involving the mother and the father, and the children are the beneficiaries of better parenting skills. The study does not show which population the program is working on therefore we have to take into consideration how can we make the proper adjustments in order to make it work for other populations.

It is a known fact that mothers are more involved with the program and the children than the fathers are, but fathers are getting involved more every time. Prior parental training programs did not focus on fathers or valued any input on it and there was very little literature for the fathers. The fathers’ involvement plays a very important role on the children’s life and upbringing and the fathers’ impact on the child’s life is separate from that of the mothers’.

On the one hand, fathers positive parenting (sensitive to children’s’ interests, supportive of their autonomy) has been identified as protective against externalizing problems in young children; on the other hand negative training by fathers (harsh discipline, unstable presence) has been found to increase the behavior problems on both boys and girls. Fathers participation on the program improves the child’s behavior and helps to support each other as parents. So the fathers’ involvement on the program is crucial not only for the child but the mother also.

Providers need to support the involvement of fathers in the parenting trainings. The Positive Parenting Program focuses on the participation of both the mother and father, and fathers actually benefit from the program. The Positive Parenting Program has five levels; the first level focuses on community media, and information on how to deal with basic child problems. Level two offers individual support, providers offer advice and tips on how to deal with child issues, level three does four thirty minutes behavior counseling sessions in order to manage the progress or lack thereof.

Level four was developed for children with disabilities, these sessions deal with the child’s misbehavior and offer strategies for encouraging their development, and level five covers a home-based skills training sessions that offer coping with stress and emotions, marital communication support. It is designed for parents at risk of child maltreatment; it also focuses on anger management. The Positive Parent Program has been used by culturally diverse parents, multi languages, face to face, telephone, and electronic modalities with remarkable results.

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Is Gay Parenting Bad for the Kids?

“Is Gay Parenting Bad for the Kids? ” In the society we live in today, many people believe that being raised by a homosexual or lesbian couple isn’t a good thing for the children. Based on the article “Is Gay Parenting Bad for the Kids? ” it seems to me that Charles C. W. Cooke (the author) and Dr. Mark Regenerus also believe that gay parenting is a bad thing. In the article, Cooke says that gay parenting is a bad thing because, “the child(ren) will end up different” or “the children are going to be missing at least one of their biological parents and they might experience some instability.

Even though this article is defending the fact that gay parenting is bad for children, there are a few key points that challenge this statement because I believe that homosexual and lesbian couples are just as good as heterosexual couples when it comes to raising children. The first key point is that the article states that, “two women parents better on average than a woman and man, or at least than a woman and man with a traditional division of family labor. ” This statement is basically saying that two women (on average) are better when it comes to staying in a relationship when it comes to raising children.

Most heterosexual couples divorce even though they have family together, but lesbian couples continue to work things out in spite of their kids. That is a point that makes a comparison between lesbian and heterosexual couples. The next point is that, “children raised by homosexual or lesbian parents are as likely as children raised by heterosexual parents to be healthy, successful, and well-adjusted. ” This means that no matter what sexual orientation the parents are, the child is not going to become a failure in life. They are still going to go to school, graduate, and become something in life.

Just because the parents didn’t graduate doesn’t mean the child won’t graduate. Just because the parent didn’t become something in life doesn’t mean the child won’t. The last reason is that “marriage between gay partners will enhance the family’s stability and therefore be good for the children. ” This also proves that there is nothing wrong with homosexual or lesbian couples being parents. I feel as long as the family is stable, then it shouldn’t matter if the parents are homosexual, lesbian, or heterosexual. In my opinion, I think that it has nothing to do with the children. I think that it is just a stereotypical issue.

Many people feel that because in most states gay marriage is not legal (yet) that homosexuals and lesbians shouldn’t be parents. This article challenges and defends whether or not gay parenting is bad for the children. Even though majority of the article is against gay parenting, the challenging points stand out more than any of the other evidence. In conclusion, I do not think that gay parenting is bad for children. When the children start to understand what is going on, they have their own choices to make on whether to be stable and become something in life or worry about missing a biological parent and becoming unstable.

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Effective Parenting Techniques

There are so many things in the world that people do to help children. Many people volunteer to help children and some decide to raise a child. Out of all the things to do raising a child is most difficult, and also very rewarding. When an individual chooses to be a parent, he or she should have four traits: a positive lifestyle, stability, tolerance, and patience. Having these traits helps on the long road of effective parenting (The Nemours Foundation, 2011). Discussion of Topic When an individual has a positive lifestyle, their child will look up to their parent.

A positive lifestyle is good for a child because a parent is considered a role model. This means parents should have a job, a car, a place to live (a apartment or house), not abuse drugs or alcohol, and speak using manners. For example, if a child hears his parent cursing or using vulgar language the child is more likely to use it himself. Even if the child sees his parent working hard to make a good living, they are more likely to work hard to achieve the same thing (The Nemours Foundation).

According to a Scottish government report, the keys to giving a child a good start in life is to love, cuddle, and red bedtime stories. Scotland must become a more “child-friendly” place with a renewed focus on improving early years through measures such as a new generation of family centers funded through private, public and not-for-profit sources. Children were always acting out anywhere they where and in order for this to stop parents had to pay much more attention to their kids (Currie Brian, 2011). Parents often become less involved in the lives of their children as they nter the middle grades.

But your young adolescent needs as much attention and love from you as he needed when he was younger and maybe more. A good relationship with you or with other adults is the best safeguard your child has as he grows and explores. By the time he reaches adolescence, you and he will have had years of experience with each other; the parent of today’s toddler is parent to tomorrow’s teenager (Effective Parenting, 2006). Your relationship with your child may change. In fact, it almost certainly must change; however, as she develops the skills required to be a successful adult.

These changes can be rewarding and welcome. As your middle school child makes mental and emotional leaps, your conversations will grow richer. As her interests develop and deepen, she may begin to teach you how to slug a baseball, what is happening with the city council or county board or why a new book is worth reading (Effective Parenting, 2006). When our children behave badly, we may become angry or upset with them. We may also feel miserable because we become angry or upset. But these feelings are different from not loving our children.

Young adolescents need adults who are there for them – people who connect with them, communicate with them, spend time with them and show a genuine interest in them. This is how they learn to care for and love others. According to school counselor Carol Bleifield, “Parents can love their children but not necessarily love what they do, and children need to trust that this is true. ” (Effective Parenting, 2006) Young adolescents need support as they struggle with problems that may seem unimportant to their parents and families. They need praise when they’ve done their best.

They need encouragement to develop interests and personal characteristics. Psychologist Diana Baumrind identifies three types of parents: authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative. By studying about findings from more than 20 years of research, she and her colleagues have found that to be effective parents, it’s best to avoid extremes. Authoritarian parents who lay down hard-and-fast rules and expect their children to always do as they are told or permissive parents who have very few rules or regulations and give their children too much freedom are most likely to have the most difficult time as parents.

Their children are at risk for a range of negative behavioral and emotional consequences. However, authoritative parents, who set limits that are clear and come with explanations, tend to struggle less with their adolescents. “Do it because I said so” probably didn’t work for your son when he was 6 and it’s even less likely to work now that he’s an adolescent (Effective Parenting, 2006). Young adolescents need strong role models. Try to live the behavior and values that you hope your child will develop.

Your actions speak louder than words. If you set high standards for yourself and treat others with kindness and respect, your child stands a better chance of following your example. As adolescents explore possibilities of who they may become, they look to their parents, peers, well-known personalities and others to define who they may become (Effective Parenting, 2006). There are also the five B’s for effective parenting which are be positive, be specific, be certain, be consistent, and be immediate.

People including children do things for one of two reasons: to avoid pain or to pursue pleasure. As a parent, you constantly work between these two options. If you use lots of negatives like punishments to drive behavior, your child will do just enough to avoid the pain. Rewarding good behaviors rather than punishing bad ones, improves the chance that you’ll get cooperation and not conflict from your child. Noticing unacceptable behaviors and stopping them with a punishment is easy. It takes effort to recognize good behaviors and praise them.

You’ll need to do both; but the more you recognize the good, the less likely you are to see the bad (Effective Parenting, 2006). Relevant Chapters In chapter 8 of the text it talks about the self view of children during their school years. It talks about how preschoolers develop their self-concepts as a result of how their parents treat them and based on the society and culture they live in. Like in Erikson’s initiative vs. guilt is when children act independently, but feel guilt or sense of failure when they don’t succeed or are belittled for the action.

The foundational concept of this stage is that children become aware that they are people and begin to make decisions that shape the kind of person they are to become. Children with supportive parents later become independent and autonomous. Children with restrictive or overprotective parents later feel shame and self-doubt. Good effective parenting skills are needed in order for children to become great people in life. Summary In order to have good parenting skills a parent needs to have great effective parenting techniques like using the five B’s.

Using the five B’s will get your children to have better cooperation and will never act out as much. Children will always need support from their parents whenever they have issues. They also need to have strong role models because if they don’t then how are they going to learn when they make mistakes. Parents are the ones that have to teach their children what is right from wrong. As kids grow older they make mental leaps that will later create better conversations. Children will become great adults if parents follow effective parenting techniques.

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Parenting Styles

Authoritarian and permissive parenting styles differ in their own way, but at the end style is all the same. Some parents think that the style of parenting have a big effect on the way a child grows up. Authoritarian parenting style is based on extremely strict disciplinary rules, imposed on the children with minimum amount of freedom in when the parents stress their own choices or opinions. Permissive parenting style is accepting and affirmative of the child but makes few demands for responsibility or conduct. Despite the difference of the styles, parents still have the same goals. Parents still discipline; punish; share love, affection, and development; and guide their children.

All parents have some structure of discipline. Most parents make rules and expect for the child to abide by them. Discipline is just a set of rule that parents set to help children learn appropriate behaviors and make good choices. To go along with discipline parents also organization a punishment to match every rule that the child disobeys. Parents punish their children to teach them lessons. While permissive parents may talk to or take something away from the child to punish them, the authoritarian parent may yell or shout at the child and give a harsh punishment. The child will still learn right from wrong with the punishment.

All children want parents to love them, show them affection, and help them develop. Parents seek it as their requirement to make sure that their children are loved and cared for at all times. Some may show their love and affection in different ways but it all always there. The need for helping the child develop into a productive individual plays an important role in parenting. Affection and love makes the child happy, making the child feel comfortable to be around their parents. Authoritarian parents may not show the child any affection, while permissive parents show affection all the time. Whether the child knows the affection is there or not it is still there.

Finally, all children seek guidance from there parents. Guidance is advice or counseling that lead someone to a particular direction. Not all parents give correct guidance, but the child is guided off their parents actions and behavior. Atuhoritarian parents give their children guidance in a fussy type of manner, while permissive parents care calm and walk their children through the guidance steps. Most of the time authoritarian parents see that their children seek guidance from othere perople that they feel loved from.

Parents all give their children the same type of treatment its all in a different manner. Regardless of the manner of the same goals are reached. Parents still discipline; punish; share love, affection, and development; and guide their children. Some may have harsh or pleasant discipline rulles to follow, with either harsh or pleasant punishmnets as consequiences. Permissive and authoritarian parenting styles are similar in many ways.

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Extreme Parenting

Extreme Parenting There is a child who is never allowed to attend a sleep over or have a playdate. A child that must constantly practice the violin, do homework, and is never allowed any free time to do as she pleases. This is the child of an extreme parent. Parenting methods have long been a subject of controversy, but a new trend in parenting called “Tiger” parenting may be the most controversial of today. The method of extreme parenting or parents that go to extreme lengths to give their children a head start over their peers can actually be quite detrimental to a child’s proper development.

Extreme parenting is considered effective by some but, ineffective and bordering on abusive by others. Extreme parents, also known as “Tiger” parents, go beyond normal extremes to compel their children to succeed. They do this by forcing their children to participate and excel in a certain activity. They often use harsh punishment for failure, but believe that their actions better their children. They are different from the “typical” parent because of how they define their child’s success and happiness.

According to the article “Key Events in the History of Extreme Parenting” from Facts On File the release of Amy Chua’s book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother in January 2011 sparked a debate between people who see Amy Chau’s extreme parenting style as essential to help children reach their full potential and those who think it borders on child abuse. (Key Events) The subject of extreme parenting is a sensitive one in which many people have very strong and differing opinions. Most people agree that children need discipline in their lives but the line between what is appropriate and what is not has been blurred.

Both extreme and permissive parents believe that their style of parenting is what is best for a child’s personal growth. An extreme parent is very involved with their child’s life and often makes all of their decisions for them. These parents will use harsh disciple to keep their child in line. A permissive parent allows their child to have a great deal of freedom and will use few or no forms of discipline. Both kinds of parents, of course, believe that their way is the best. What harm or good can come from a parent being too controlling or demanding of their child is the main dilemma for parents.

Another main area of discrepancy is what each kind of parent considers abusive behavior. In an article by C. J. Newton, a learning specialist, he helps to distinguish exactly what constitutes emotional child abuse. The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect describes it as “acts or omissions by the parents or other caregivers that have caused, or could cause, serious behavioral, cognitive, emotional, or mental disorders. ” The article then goes on to list the various kinds of abuse. These include belittling, coldness, cruelty, harassment, isolating, and rejecting. Newton) However, not all parents may agree with this definition of abuse or feel that the benefits still outweigh the faults. The children of “Tiger” parents may be good at school, sports, or playing instruments but there are definite drawbacks. Many different studies and surveys have been conducted on the subject and they have all come up with very negative results. I also conducted a survey on extreme parenting. The survey was given to 50 random students who are currently members of Professor Van Eck’s English 250 class at Ferris State University.

The results of this survey were also considerably critical of extreme parenting. “Tiger” parenting is extremely rough on children and can hurt them psychologically and emotionally. The lasting scars that this parenting style inflicts on children can never measure up to the benefits. Supporters of extreme parenting say what many people consider aggressive or extreme parenting techniques are just a part of good, responsible parenting. Amy Chau is the Chinese American mother of two daughters and the author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.

In her book she describes how she raised her daughters in what she calls the Traditional Chinese way. At the beginning the first chapter Chau lists of some of the things her daughters where never allowed to do. These include: attend a sleepover, have a playdate, be in a school play, complain about not being in a school play, watch tv or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, and not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama. (3-4) One common form of discipline extreme parents use is spanking.

According to the article “Corporal Punishment” on Facts on File more than 90% of parents admit to having spanked their children and between 60% and 70%, admit to spanking them regularly. The article goes on to point out how critics of spanking think it is outrages that children remain the only people in America who may be legally beaten. (Corporal) However, most of the students in my survey found spanking to be an acceptable form of discipline. The three forms they objected to were slapping, verbal insults, and yelling. I completely agree with these results.

None aggressive forms of discipline are the best kind. This is one of the main reasons extreme parenting is inappropriate. A parent should discipline their child with punishments such as time-outs, groundings and taking away their privileges. Spanking is the only exception but, should only be employed for special circumstances. It is difficult to say exactly what constitutes an appropriate time to spank your child. However, spanking a child should never be a regular occurrence and a parent must always be in control of their emotions while doing it.

If a parent must spank their child regularly it may begin to turn abusive and is obviously not fixing the problem. A more relaxed parenting style is better for building children’s self-confidence, because the children see that their parents’ love does not depend on their academic success. When a parent is constantly focused on their child’s academic success the child will begin to feel they are not good enough for their parent. Obviously, this is will hurt their self-esteem a lot. “Tiger” parents see their tough love approach as preparing their child for whatever the world throws at them.

Yet, According to the article by Pinky McKay, the mother of five, an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and a Certified Infant Massage Instructor, when parents comfort their crying babies it actually helps teach their brains to manage stress well. This is based on a recent studies that show leaving babies to cry alone increases their stress hormones. This abandonment could also lead children to have stress disorders such as panic, anxiety and depression later in life. (McKay) While the children in this article are very young it proves that tough love is not always the best technique.

A parent needs to always support their child. They should push their child to succeed but, in an encouraging manner. Extreme parenting encourages conformity but not creativity. These extreme parents make every big decision for their child. By controlling their every move they do not allow them do discover their own interest or abilities. My parents were strict but in no way extreme. When it came to being punished, often just the threat of a punishment would be enough. They set up an environment were certain rules and behaviors had to be abided by. My siblings and I knew what the consequences of our bad behavior would be.

Simply having clearly defined rules lead us to be, for the most part, well behaved children. When it came to extracurricular activities are parents did not control are decisions at all. Because they allowed us this freedom we all became very unique individuals with varying interests. For example my one brother was in a lot of sports and enjoyed being active. My other brother never played any sports, but was in every school play. Strict parents have a very limited idea of what constitutes success and set their children up for failure. Most extreme parents focus on their child’s academic achievement.

This causes their children to see academic success as the only kind of success. Therefore, if they do not do well in school they are complete failures at life. Yan Sun has been a professor of political science at the City University of New York since 1992 and has published two books as well as numerous academic papers about China. Sun’s article in The New York Times describes why in China there is such a strong emphasis on education. She explains that it originated from a tradition of preparing the best and brightest for the challenging imperial exams.

Today, this strict parenting is fueled by parents concerns about academic competition and professional opportunities. The gaokao, a college entrance exam has even been known to push students to suicide. Sun concludes by discussing how too much parental guidance can lead to a loss in creativity, individuality, and leadership skills. (Sun) The most alarming part of this article is how students have committed suicide because of an exam. This just goes to show how too much emphasis on academics can end disastrously.

These students obviously saw academics as the only kind of success and if they couldn’t do well on the exam then they had no reason to live. This is an extremely sad and untrue belief. Successful adults are not always the ones who excelled in school. Success comes in many different forms and in many different ways. An excellent example of someone who was successful without academics is Mark Zuckerburg. He is the CEO of Facebook and the youngest billionaire in the world. Zuckerburg attended Harvard University for two years before dropping out to further develop his social networking site Facebook.

If his parents had been extreme parents they would have never allowed him to leave Harvard to pursue his entrepreneurial dreams, and we might not have Facebook. His father encourages parents to support their children’s strengths and passions with a balance of “work and play. ” Just because a child is successful at school does not mean they will be successful at life. The new trend called “Tiger” parenting is notorious for being harsh, yet these parents insist that they do it for the betterment of the child. However, a recent study indicates that this extreme parenting is a lot tougher on children then these parents may realize.

According to an article by Stephanie Pappas, a Houston-based science writer with a Bachelor of arts in psychology and a minor in medical humanities, Desiree Baolian Qin, a professor in the department of human development and family studies at Michigan State University, conducted a series of studies to evaluate the effects of “Tiger” parenting on children. To do this she compared Chinese-American ninth graders with European-American ninth-graders at the same highly competitive U. S. school. Qin explained that strict parenting and high academic achievement are common in Chinese immigrant families.

She discovered that the Chinese students reported higher levels of conflict in their families, mainly around education, and lower levels of cohesion. These students were also more stressed and depressed than their American classmates, and showed lower self-esteem. Qin concluded that “the more conflict and less cohesion in a teen’s family, the more likely they were to have poor mental health”. When the students were questioned many complained that their parents constantly talked about academics, reacted passionately to their failures, and regularly compared them to other high achievers, such as their old siblings.

The results for this study speak for themselves. Both the American and Chinese students were considered high achievers, but the Chinese students showed a considerably larger amount of issues. There is a big cultural difference between western and Chinese parenting styles. “Tiger” or Chinese parents usually consider themselves to be superior to “western” parents. They feel that their strict parenting style helps their child be successful. However, the results from this study indicate that “Western” and “Chinese” parenting styles lead to equally successful children.

The only difference is that the “Chinese” students feel a lot more pressure and thus have more mental issues such as depression and anxiety. After, looking at these results it is hard for one to say that “Chinese” parents are really superior. In fact, these results imply that “Tiger” parenting does a lot more harm than good for a child. These Chinese children may turn out to be very successful adults but it is not necessary to use such harsh parenting. Children may become afraid of their parents because of their strict rules and even begin to hide things. “Tiger” parents say it is not their job to be their child’s friend.

However, they cannot be a proper parent if their child is scared of them. Lylah M. Alphonse is a senior editor and writer at Yahoo! ‘s Shine and a Boston-based journalist, writer, editor, and blogger. In one of Alphonse’s articles she gives her point of view on extreme parenting used by mothers like Amy Chau. Alphonse describes how Chau once threw a birthday card in her daughters face and told her it wasn’t good enough. After describing this situation she poses a very good question: “That kind of “motivation” rarely works on an adult. So why is it OK to talk like that to a child? (Alphonse) This kind of discipline is undoubtedly very hurtful towards the child. When a child constantly fears that they will disappoint their parents it could cause them to pull away. They may not tell their parents about a problem they are having because they fear their reaction. This can be very dangerous for the child. Children need to be able to confide in their parents. For example, they may be struggling in school but are afraid to tell their parents. This could lead to them falling even farther behind. Because “Tiger” parents control every aspect of their child’s life, they become dependent on their parents.

These children count on their parents to make every decision for them and thus lack the vital skill of decision making. Over 68% of the students in my survey said that they believed strict parenting leads to less confident children. These extreme parents may help steer their children in the right direction but they won’t always be there to make their decisions for them. Being able to make big decisions is not easy but it is a skill everyone should have. Because these parent structure every part of the child’s life they are not properly prepared to live on their own as adults.

One of the hardest decisions I have had to make is what career field to enter into. While my parents helped me to make this decision by making suggestions and guiding me the end decision was ultimately mine. An extreme parent may even make this decision for their child. However, it is not their decision to make because it is the child who must live with the results of it. In the end It is better for a child to be happy, than successful. Author Kate Wharmby Seldman is the Health and Entertainment Editor at Opposing Views and she reported on some very extreme parenting in one of her articles.

The article is about a beauty pageant mother in San Francisco who regularly injects her eight-year-old daughter with Botox to “get rid of wrinkles,” so she can compete in beauty pageants. The mother claims this helps her daughter gain an edge in beauty pageants. (Seldman) This mother is not your typical kind of extreme parent. She is not pushing her daughter in school but, in beauty pageants. Many will probably agree that what this mother is doing is very extreme. While giving her daughter these injections may give her a leg up in these competitions it cannot be pleasant to receive them.

Nobody likes to get shots, especially not little girls. Plus, her daughter is so young it can have little effect anyway. This mother is causing her daughter unnecessary pain and raising her daughter to have an extremely skewed sense of self-worth. Personally, I would choose happiness over success any day. Perhaps the worst result of extreme parenting is that the bad memories will stay with the child forever. Lac Su is an executive for TalentSmart, a global think tank and management consulting firm and a writer after 5 p. m. and on the weekends.

In an article written by Su he shares his own personal experience with being the child of “tiger” parents. He begins his article with stating how horrified he was after reading about Amy Chau new book. Su describes how he was also raised by “tiger” parents and that still today he “bears the wounds” from it. Su’s parents would constantly remind him that he was stupid because he didn’t excel at school and forbid him to spend time with friends no matter how hard he worked. Perhaps the most terrifying story he tells is how his parents would force him to eat the brain of a cow every weekend in an attempt to “cure” his stupidity.

Su ends his article with a plea to Chau saying, “I would trade every last bit of my success in life to live without the deep wounds given to me by a Tiger Mother. ” (Su) Childhood experiences shape our lives and stay with us forever. Some of my fondest memories are from when I was a kid. I can remember playing outside with my siblings almost every day. We spent most of our time in the woods behind are house, exploring and playing games. Even so, my siblings and I all did well in school. We knew that we could play as long as we wanted to, as long as we finished our work first.

Simply put childhood is the time to be a child. Extreme parents are ruining this precious time for their children. They are so concerned about their children’s future that they sacrifice the happiness and carefree experience of being a child. You only get to be young once. Parents shouldn’t spoil this experience for their children. In conclusion, extreme parenting is simply too extreme and should be avoided by parents. There is no one perfect way to raise a child, nor is there a perfect parent. Nevertheless, certain parenting techniques should never be used. “Tiger” parenting may get results but, it is not the only way.

A happy child does not spend all their time practicing the violin, doing their homework and learning to speak a foreign language. It is much easier to order someone to work harder when they are struggling, than to talk with them about why they are having problems and try to find a solution. It is okay for a parent to have high expectations for their child but they should convey those expectations in a caring and lov ing way. Discipline can be extremely beneficial to a child but too much will do the opposite. The most important thing to remember is that a child must still be allowed to be a child.

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Effective Parenting Styles

Effective Parenting Styles COM/150 Abstract The passion of people’s reactions to questioning parenting styles are just below the nukes of religion and politics in explosive potential. Here we discuss what the basic styles are and what styles most parents tend to fall. We will look at constructive and deconstructive parenting styles as well as see which option tends to be the best. Where do you fall? Is that style the best your family or are you still seeking guidance? Effective Parenting Styles

Although parenting is a never-ending debate, many parenting styles have been studied to find what elements are constructive and which are destructive. There are roughly four major parenting styles identified when researching effective parenting. Each parenting style can differ and change as children grow older, or change based on each individual child. These groups defined below have a major emotional impact and development impact on a child. Permissive Parenting Permissive parenting can come off to be more of a friend rather than a parent; these parents don’t often discipline their children.

Parents who choose to parent their children this way rarely have control over their children and may be lacking self-discipline themselves. Although these parents are still very loving and nurturing to their children, this parenting style may be a bit too laid back to raise an obedient child with self-discipline. Authoritarian Parenting In the authoritarian style of parenting, the parents set strict rules for children to follow and set high demands that these rules are to be obeyed or they be punished end of story.

The most common aspect of this authoritarian style of parenting, is the parent neglects to give the child reasoning to the rules they have set, “Because I’m the father that’s why” is the perfect example of this. Parents in this style don’t feel they need to have to explain reasoning to their children and often come across as an aggressor. Communication between parent and child is non-existent. Authoritative Parenting This parenting style has much in common with the authoritarian style of parenting. The authoritative style parenting is a bit more self-ruled and flexible for each disciplinary incident.

The authoritative style has the same set rules and standards as authoritarian, but parents in this style are more expectable to reason with these children and dig deeper into the issue at hand and discuss a resolution then jump straight to discipline. This style does discipline and sticks to the rules, but has more of an emotional and nurturing way of dealing with the issue. Uninvolved Parenting Uninvolved parenting style is just that. Parents of these children have no receptiveness or awareness to their children’s behavior.

These parents are disconnected from their children on most emotional levels and just fill the basic living demands of food, water, shelter, etc. There is low to none communication, discipline, or nurturing between parent and child. In some extreme cases, parents don’t even meet the child’s basic living demands. When it comes to parenting styles we find two major deconstructive styles out of the four listed above, uninvolved parenting and permissive parenting. Children raised with the permissive styles generally experience more problems with school, authority, and are found to have self-esteem issues.

This child hasn’t had much authority from parents so they feel that they shouldn’t have to take any from anybody else including the law. This can majorly effect education if the child has no consequence for not finishing homework or sees no reason education and guidance are important to learn. The results of the uninvolved parenting style can lead to children being less competent in adult life, un-successful, have problems dealing with self-control, and also are found to have major self-esteem concerns.

Children raised in these environments have little to no control over emotions and actions since proper guidance was never shown to them. These children learn and grow from what they know and seek acceptance from outside sources. Too often enough these children fall into gangs and drugs to seek this acceptance from these groups. Many of these children drop out of school at an early age and suffer from poor reading and writing skills. After reviewing the parenting style definitions above, the most logical and constructive parenting style seems to be the authoritative parent.

Numerous studies have been taken on these four parenting styles and have concluded “Authoritive parenting styles tend to result in children who are happy, capable and successful” (Maccoby, 1992. These studies also show that the Authoritarian parenting styles “generally lead to children who are obedient and proficient, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem. ” (Cherry, n. d). Giving your children the extra attention and guidance while setting reasonable boundaries seems to be the best fit for parenting. Every parenting style varies.

You may have a father who is authoritive, the mother is more permissive; the key to successful parenting is communication and balance as a family. Communicate with your children about why they did what they did. Guide them and show them how it can be done better the next time around, and most of all make sure to make to show your child love and acceptance. Punishment needs to happen like committed as consistency is also very important, but following through with rules and the punishment allows your child to grow and learn from the experience, and to avoid doing them again.

Conclusion All children need a good parent with an effective parenting style. Who the child grows up to be is a direct look at who the parent is. References Maccoby, E. E. (1992). The role of parents in the socialization of children: An historical overview. Developmental Psychology, 28, 1006-1017. Cherry, K. (n. d). About. com – Education- Psychology. Retrieved from http://psychology. about. com/od/developmentalpsychology/a/parenting-style. htm

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Parenting Styles

Parenting styles, what kind are you Parenting is defined as rearing of a child by giving special care, love, and guidance by a parent. Parenting usually starts when couples have a beautiful creation, symbolizing their mutual love and respect with each other. When a child comes into someone’s life, parenting is usually a necessity when it comes to nurturing a beautiful, and a healthy child. A lot of responsibilities, sacrifices, and hard work attached to parenting. With parenting, there are different pros and cons that either help or disrupt a child’s well-being.

Usually there are three parenting styles, strict, permissive and uninvolved parenting. The start with the strict approach to parenting, which provide children with a clear set of rules that have to be followed without question or reason. The strict parenting style gives children rules without explanations for those rules, and reinforces good behavior. Parents should make sure the way they parent their children will be positive, and not negatively affect their children. Strict parents have very strict rules that they expect to be followed unconditionally and have high expectations of their children.

These parents are obedience and status oriented, and expects their orders to be obeyed. People with this parenting style often utilize punishment rather than discipline, but are not willing or able to explain the reasoning behind their rules. Punishment is often extreme. They are very demanding, but not responsive and do not express much warmth or nurturing. Strict parents do not give children choices or options. The strict parenting style have a “Do as I say, not as I do,” approach. They like military schools where the rules are strictly enforced and there is no balance.

Next, there is the most common type of parenting; which is permissive parenting. Permissive parenting is about setting limits, reasoning with kids, and being responsive to their emotional needs. This approach is common in middle class settings throughout the world. Kids raised by permissive parents are more likely to become independent, self-reliant, socially accepted, academically successful, and well behaved. Permissive parents take a different, more moderate approach that emphasizes setting high standards, being nurturing and responsive and showing respect for a child independent.

Permissive parent expects maturity and cooperation, and offer children lots of emotional support. Permissive parents take a firm stand, expecting their kids to behave responsibly. Permissive parent interact better with their child. They often have both a parenting and friend relationship with their kids. Permissive parents give their children a safety, secure and loving home, whereas a child feel comfortable and able to express themselves. The worse type of parenting is uninvolved parents. Uninvolved parents, sometimes referred to as neglectful parents, a style characterized by a lack of responsiveness to a child’s needs.

Uninvolved parents make few to no demands of their children and they are often uninterested, unconcerned or even completely careless. These parents have little emotional involvement with their kids. While some provide the basic needs like food and shelter, they are uninvolved in their child’s lives. The degree of involvement may vary considerably. Some uninvolved parents may be relatively hands-off with their kids, but may still have some basic limits such as curfews. Others are downright neglectful or even reject their children outright.

Uninvolved parents are emotionally distant from their children and offer little or no supervision. They show little warmth, love and affection towards their children and have few or no expectations or demands for behavior. These parents do not attend school events and parent-teacher conferences and may intentionally avoid their children. This type of parent are usually too overwhelmed by their own problems to deal with their children. Children raised by uninvolved parents usually learn to provide for themselves. Uninvolved parents sometime use drug with and or in front of their children.

In conclusion, raising children has always been a challenge to parents. In spite of extensive effort that some parent makes to raise their children to the best of their ability, it still presents many unanswered problems. Children learn how to become adults from the parents. We need to try our best to not allow obstacles to hinder us from becoming the best parents we can become. Successful parenting requires the parents to have some very important qualities and characteristics. There are so many characteristics and qualities of parenting, but only three of them stand out: a high sense morality, support and good leadership.

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Mandatory Child Development and Parenting Classes

There should be a law prohibiting teenage pregnancy.  It would be impossible to make such a law, since the country’s prisons would be filled with fifteen year-old-mothers. A law should, however, be made requiring mandatory child development and parenting classes before high school graduation. The statistics concerning teenage pregnancy are frightening.  One teenager each minute becomes pregnant, in 2004 420,000 babies were born to teenage mother in the United States, and 67% of teenage mothers drop out of high school (Horizon Solutions, 2006).

Three out of ten girls get pregnant before the age of twenty at an average of 750,000 girls per year (National Campaign, 2006). Girls as young as thirteen are becoming parents and often with no support from the equally young and inexperienced fathers.  The grandparents are then either forced to raise their grandchildren or the young unprepared girls are forced to give up their future plans to become parents much too early. Most schools in the nation currently offer child development and parenting classes as electives for those who are interested in childcare.  Since most young teenagers will eventually become parents, however, it should be mandatory to prepare them for their future roles.

Most public schools in the United States teach sexual education, which includes ways to prevent pregnancy.  Unfortunately, this has not significantly decreased the occurrences of teenage pregnancy.  When compared to the statistics of teenagers in other countries the united States ranks high in the number of pregnancies, because of the differences in how teenagers are prepared for parenting and the expectations for them (Guttmacher).  Part of the differences are that the young people in other countries are not taught to be ashamed to admit to having sex and are taught to be more responsible about preventing pregnancy.  In this country many adults are uncomfortable talking to their children about sex (Coloroso 228). The better young people are educated about and prepared for male-female relationships in early adolescence the less likely they are to give in to peer pressure (Campbell 51).

In most schools, no student can graduate without learning about American History, government, English or science.  Students are taught how to have children and usually how to prevent it, but it is not required for them to learn how to care for the children after they have them.  Unless they come from large families, many young people have no idea how much responsibility is required in caring for an infant.  If they did, maybe they would take more precautions to avoid this until they were ready for the responsibility.  If a law was made to make it mandatory for all freshman high school students to take child development and parenting classes, all teenagers would have a better understanding of the responsibilities involved.  This would make them more likely to take better precautions to avoid teenage pregnancy.

Parenting is not easy at any age, but when parenting is combined with dating, and trying to finish high school, it can be overwhelming.  When young girls discover they are about to become a parent, they can go through a range of emotions.  Some do not want to take on the responsibility of parenting.  These girls are faced with the difficult choice of abortion or adoption.  If she chooses to put her child up for adoption, she and the father both have to sign their parental rights over to the adoptive parents (Gay 6).   Some of the girls feel happy about having a baby they may see it as playing house or as an accomplishment (American Academy, 2004).  These girls have no real idea how much responsibility is involved in caring for infants.  They often like the idea of caring for someone.

The problem is the people who are currently taking the elective parenting courses are usually the ones who know something about caring for infants and are interested in the subject.  These people already know a little of the responsibility and often are the ones least likely to be teen parents. By making the classes mandatory, those who think it is like playing house or have no idea about babies will get more information.  Many of these classes teach students what to expect throughout the first few years of life.  Infants especially in the first weeks of life need very much of the parent’s time and can be exhausting, and they cry a great deal (Preston 11).  The average day in the life of a mother with an infant consists of waking at approximately 3:00 a.m. and getting very little rest until late the next night.

  It involves diaper changes, feedings and constant attention to someone helpless and fragile (O’Callahan 66). When the young people actually begin to realize what life is like for a parent, they can see the consequences of being careless in sexual relationships.  In recent years a new trend has become part of child development class.  Many schools have started using programmable dolls, which cry during the night, need changed, fed and held.  These dolls are amazingly lifelike and can provide young people an idea of what it is really like to be a parent (Memorial Community, n.d.). Teaching young people what parenting is like is sometimes more effective than teaching them methods of birth control or about the risks of disease.  In addition to the dolls, child development and parenting courses teach young people how to cope when they do have children.

The good news is the message is getting out.  The number of teenagers age fifteen to nineteen who have reported having sex has decreased by just over 13% since 1991 and the number of teen pregnancies has dropped by 36% in the same amount of time (National Campaign, 2006).  There was a trend in the country for a while where teens were not afraid for parents to know they were having sex, but they did not have enough facts to keep from getting pregnant.  With the increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases, the education about the use of contraception has helped teenagers become more responsible about using birth control to avoid disease and thus pregnancy.

If all school districts were mandated to require these classes using the teaching dolls and statistics as a requirement for graduation like they do math and science, students might have a better knowledge of what it takes to be parents.  This would help them know they wanted to wait until they were ready to have children.  It could teach them the financial, emotional and physical requirements involved in having and raising children.  Education is the key to knowledge and knowledge is required to make responsible choices.  In order to teach the teenagers in the United States to make responsible choices, there needs to be a law requiring the system to educate them.

Works Cited

Campbell, Dr. Ross. How to Really Love Your Child. Wheaton: Victor Books, 1988

Coloroso, Barbara. Kids Are Worth It. New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc.,


Gay, Kathlyn. Abortion Understanding the Debate. Berkeley Heights: Enslow Publishers,

Inc., 2004

“MCH Foundation Partners With Schools to Provide “Baby Think it Over” Dolls.”

Memorial Community Hospital and Health System, 1 May 2007

Preston, Penny. What Every Mother Needs to Know About Her Baby’s First Year.

Portland, Maine: Ronnie Sellers Productions, Inc. 2006

“Reality Works Infant Simulator and Real Care Parenting Program.” 18 September 2006

Horizon Solutions Site, 1 May 2007

O’Callahan, Kitty. “A Day in the Life of a Mom.” Baby Talk September 2005: 66-7

“Sex Education: Needs, Programs and Policies.”December2006.TheGuttmacher Institute

1 May 2007 <>

The National Organization to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. 1 May 2007.


“When Children Have Children.” July 2004, American Academy of Child and

Adolescent Psychiatry, 1 May 2007 < =When+Children+Have+Childrension=Facts+For+Families>

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Without a doubt parents play an important role at every stage of their child/children’s development and this is true of the teenage years. Spring, Rosen & Matheson (2002) have observed that the transition to adolescence brings along with it tremendous challenges for both the parent and the adolescent (p. 411) and it is therefore essential that parents adopt strategies that would ensure that this period is not laced with the levels of stress and anxiety that is characteristic of families with maladjusted teenagers. It is evident therefore that proper parenting techniques are critical during the adolescent stage if parents are to ensure that their children develop into well-adjusted adolescents.

During the teenage years adolescents and parents are faced with a number of conflicting issues. The physical pubertal changes, peer pressure and the concerns of sex and sexuality are brought into focus at this stage. Spring, Rosen & Matheson (2002) also indicate that during this period there is a reshaping of “family expectations and interactions” and there is the demand for increasing autonomy from adolescents (p. 412). Additionally there are more modern areas of concern that are bothersome including the threat of HIV/AIDS, the influence of the mass media through music and entertainment and the capabilities of the Internet are challenging areas of concern for parents. At this stage there is the fear that these influences would supersede the influence of the parent and lead to severe negative results.

Parental style, according to research, is one of the most significant predictors of problems during the adolescent years. The nature of the family relationship and the facility with which the adolescent period is handled is said to be dependent on the technique and strategies that parents adopt in dealing with their adolescents (Jarvis, 2005). Jarvis (2005) indicates that the teenage years have less negative effects on families in which there is a close relationship between the parent and the teenager and where this relationship is non-conflictual (p. 210).

Jarvis (2005) has found that the most appropriate learning style to be adopted during the teenage years is an authoritative one. An authoritative parent is firm and consistent in laying down guidelines, procedures, limitations, responsibilities and consequences for their children. These parents are also supportive and permit their children ‘psychological autonomy’, according to Jarvis (2005) which allows adolescents some amount of freedom in decision-making and developing their own opinion and beliefs. Adolescents with parents who are supportive have been shown to have higher self-esteem and therefore avoid certain risky behaviors (Parker & Benson, 2004, p. 519). On the other hand parents who are too firm and authoritarian are usually shown to impact negative on their adolescents and this strictness usually has a poor effect on adolescent academic performance.

Other styles of parenting have been shown to be of negative effect on adolescent adjustment. Parker and Benson (2004) argue that a lack of parental support may lead to behavioral problems in adolescents including substance abuse (p. 519). These authors suggest that the parental closeness that was present before the teenage years, though much narrower, needs to still be present or adolescents will face problems of adjustment (p. 520).

Jarvis (2005) adds that parents who attempt to exert psychological control over their adolescents are rarely effective. This type of control generally reveals itself in ‘coerciveness, passive-aggression and intrusiveness’ (p. 211). This level of parental control eventually leads to further adjustment problems such as anxiety and depression which are detriment at this stage.

It is therefore evident that parents need to carefully examine how they relate to their teenagers during these crucial developmental years. Proper authoritative techniques should be employed in dealing with adolescents to ensure that the potential negative influences that adolescents are faced with are avoided.


Jarvis, C. (2005). Parenting problems: research and clinical perspectives on parenting adolescents. Journal of Child Psychotherapy, 31(2), 209 – 220.

Parker, J. S. & Benson, M. J. (2004, Fall). Parent-adolescent relations and adolescent functioning: Self-esteem, substance abuse, and delinquency. Adolescence, 39(155), 519-530.

Smetana, J., Crean, H. F. & Campione-Barr, N. (2005, Summer). Adolescents’ and parents’ changing conceptions of parental authority. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 108, 31- 46.

Spring, B., Rosen, K. H., & Matheson, J. L. (2002, Dec). how parents experience a transition to adolescence: A qualitative study. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 11(4), 411–425.

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Schizophrenia and Depressed Mothers: Relational Deficits in Parenting

The nine-page paper on parenting capabilities as compared among the Schizophrenic, depressed and well mothers are profoundly interesting and insightful. Central to the profession of Social work is the structural unit which essentially pertains to the family. The mother’s role is one of the most foundational ingredients that make up a home because the general expectation is that she takes on more of the nurturing role than any of the members of the family.

The article/research is said to be profoundly interesting because at the outset, despite some knowledge on depression or schizophrenia, the researches showed that there have been major areas that other studies missed especially pertaining on the parenting skills and practices when Schizophrenics or Clinically depressed mothers are the issue.

The paper opens with what has been very obvious in the study of schizophrenia; that genetics or heredity is the primary and important issue with the etiology of the disorder. However, the article is more than the previous discoveries on the influence of heredity. I wish to identify specifically what I find very important discoveries I made in the article.

A. Because the article is a comparison between Schizophrenic and depressed mothers many details about their respective kinds of personality, lifestyles or manner of living were investigated separately and comparatively. For instance, frequency of hospitalization is more noted with the Schizophrenic women than with depressed ones (p.34). This is noteworthy because this information indicates the severity (in graduated scale) of their respective disorders. Of course compared to well-mothers, depressed ones are at risk, indeed. Hospitalization frequency is indicative of mothers who may have already been in trouble in a period of time.

B. Pertaining to the depressed mothers’  “highly limited ability to demonstrate good parenting,” in that they are likely to have difficulty in providing structure and discipline to their children,  which are exactly the things necessary and essential to develop children as well-adjusted and smart members of society. For example, inside the household, how will the mother do the routines in the morning concerning food preparation, attending to basic hygiene and health of children or even, when they become rowdy and quarrelsome with one another, how will she react to these scenarios? Weisman’s study pointedly mentions the main reason: the mother does not have the energy and the ability to be involved to do even very simple routinary disciplinary actions.

C. Implications on these? It is necessary that mothers especially the Depressed for instance, must get the necessary help and that which must address the root cause or strike at the heart of their “mental/emotional” sickness. Being a social worker, I will be one of the few people who will be the first to call on these people: single parents who seemed to have no options except to prod through life and just keep on even though everything for them is hopeless and aimless. I can truly say I am thoroughly benefited by the readings. I am grateful too, because I have the opportunity to avoid the pitfalls that some of the women had gone through.

All this is insightful because I have discovered that although both types of disorders have affective deficits, the lesser affected are the depressed types because she may still be able to “connect” with her offsprings unlike the Schizophrenic when not only is the mother severely disordered, other complications like the presence of hallucinatory tendencies typical of their case cloud her relationships with her children (Goodman & Brumley, 1987). Implications for my job include: 1.) I know now how to deal with persons with various weaknesses especially those with problems as severe as Schizophrenia or even with mothers who have depressive problems; especially affective or relational deficits; 2.) I have more compassion now with mothers or single parents who are poor and especially colored because they have the least access to care and their needs are often neglected;

3.) the authors also discussed the other factors usually designated in cases of depression and schizophrenia and effectively pointed out that mother’s responsiveness account for most of the adjustment and proper functioning of children.  I cannot imagine enough those children (in the study) raised by single mothers with such a mental condition as theirs. My work’s significance has tremendously widened and deepened as I see all the individual cases and the problems that accompany them. The guidance I can afford their mothers pertaining to coping with their sicknesses and the needs of the children, and the institutional changes that can possibly help larger numbers are important outputs I gained from the informative article.


Goodman, Sherryl H., H. Elizabeth Brumley, 1987. “Schizophrenia and Depressed Mothers: Relational Deficits in Parenting.”

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The Keys to Successful Parenting

Kendallyn February 7, 2013 Mr. Mellema English 11 The Keys to Successful Parenting Being a successful parent requires a whole lot more than just providing for the physical needs of a child. To achieve being a successful parent, it means to be completely committed to building the well-being of the child. Personally, I think the qualities a successful parent should have is to be completely understanding and supportive, having faith in them, and being full of unconditional love. Having these qualities can have a great outcome of your child’s behavior.

And I’m sure that’s what every parent wants. Showing Support and understanding is key in successful parenting. Understanding your child and taking time out of your day to talk with them and understand them is a very powerful way of showing love and compassion in my opinion. Listening to your kid can, and will draw a closer bond between you and can result in a lot less conflict. I believe by not showing nor having this quality, it can lead to an unhealthy relationship and disconnection between you and your child.

Also, having an absence of someone listening to you and understanding you as a child can result in future problems such as mentally and unhealthy habits. I know this because I have witnessed this in my life. “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live it’s whole life believing that it is stupid. “- Albert Einstein. I think that this quote applies to parenting in some way. I believe that parents should notice and praise all the positive things that a child does in life.

It can sure be a confidence boost. You should avoid jokingly calling your child “dumb”, “brat”, “good for nothing,” because there’s always that chance that they don’t know you’re just teasing them. Some kids take that kind of stuff to heart and start believing that they truly are “dumb” and ‘good for nothing’. I believe by having complete faith in your child not only boosts their confidence, but it makes them realize all the good things they can accomplish. All these qualities are great to have, but I think the absolutely most important quality you hould have is showing and having unconditional love for your children. Growing up, it is inevitable to not make mistakes. It’s just apart of life. So when your child does make a mistake, it shouldn’t change how much love you have for them. Without love, there would be no strong foundation to build up a good relationship with your child or even your family. It just wouldn’t be possible to have a healthy stable family if love was absent in your home. I know I’m just a teenager and I have no experience being a parent, but by the looks of it, parenting sure doesn’t look easy.

I know there is so much more to being a parent and there are as much responsibilities that reach beyond the moon that goes with it, but I believe by building up these qualities that I listed can make parenting a lot more successful and easy on you. So what I’m basically saying is if you keep these qualities in mind, have positive attitude and raise your children with complete positivity and love, there can be a prodigious outcome. And I think that it’s totally worth it.

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Contemporary Research on Parenting

Contemporary Research on Parenting: The case for Nature and Nurture W. Andrew Collins, Eleanor E. Maccoby, Laurence Steinberg, E. Mavis Hetherington and Marc. Bornstein Current findings on parental influences provide more sophisticated and less deterministic explanations than did earlier theory and research on parenting.

Contemporary research approaches include: (a) behavior-genetic designs, augmented with direct measures of potential environmental influences; (b) studies distinguishing among children with different genetically influenced predispositions in terms of their responses to different environmental conditions; (c) experimental and quasi-experimental studies of change in children’s behavior as a result of their exposure to parents’ behavior, after controlling for children’s initial characteristics; and (d) research on interactions between parenting and nonfamilial environmental influences and contexts, illustrating contemporary concern with influences beyond the parent-child dyad.

These approaches indicate that parental influences on child development are neither as unambiguous as earlier researchers suggested nor as insubstantial as current critics claim. Although the use of donor sperm to enable couples with an infertile male partner to have children has been practiced for many years, it is only since 1983, following advances in reproductive technology, that infertile women have been able to conceive a child using a donated egg (Lutjen et al. , 1984; Trousin, Leeton, Beasanka, Wood, & Conti, 1983). This procedure involves fertilization of the donated egg with the father’s sperm in the laboratory, followed by the transfer of the resulting embryo to the mother’s uterus. Thus, it is now possible for children to be born to, and raised by, mothers with whom they have no genetic link.

A number of concerns have been expressed regarding the potential negative consequences of gamete donation for children’s psychological well being, the most common of which is that the practice of keeping information about genetic origin secret from the child may have and adverse effect on the quality of parent-child relationships and consequently on the child (Daniels & Taylor, 1993; Schaffer & Diamond, 1993). As few children are told that a donated sperm of egg had been used in their conception, the large majority grow up not knowing that their father or mother is genetically unrelated to them. Findings suggestive of an association between secrecy about genetic parentage and negative outcomes for children have come from research on adoption.

It has been demonstrated that adopted children benefit from knowledge about their biological parents, and that children who are not given such information may become confused about their identity and ar risk for emotional problems ( Hoopes, 1990; Sants, 1964; Schechter & Bertocci, 1990; Triseliotis, 1973). In the field of assisted reproduction, parallels have been drawn with the adoptive situation and it has been suggested that lack of knowledge of, or information about, the donor may be harmful for the child (Clamar, 1989; Snowden. 1990; Snowden, Mitchell, & Snowden, 1983). From a family therapy perspective, secrets are believed to be detrimental to family functioning because they create boundaries between those who know and those who do not, and cause anxiety when topics related to the secret are discussed (Karpel, 1980).

In examining the particular case of parents keeping secrets from their children, Papp (1993) argued that children can sense when information is being withheld due to the taboo that surrounds the discussion of certain topics, and that they may become confused and anxious, or even develop symptoms of psychological disorder, as a result. A further concern raised by the use of gamete donation is that parents may feel or behave less positively toward a nongenetic than a genetic child. It has been argued that the child may not be fully accepted as part of the family, and that the absence of a genetic tie to one or both parents may have an undermining effect on the child’s sense of identity (Burns, 1987). It has also been suggested that whether or not gamete donation has been used in thechild’s conception, the stress of infertility may lead to dysfunctional patterns of parenting, which may result in negative outcomes for the child (Burns, 1990).

In spite of the expectations that children conceived by gamete donation may be at risk for psychological problems, a previous study of assisted reproduction families by the present authors (Golombok, Cook, Bish, & Murray, 1995) foud a greater involvement in parentiong aoun donor insemination parents than among a control group of parents with a naturally conceived child, with no differences in the quality of parent-child relationships between donor insemination parents and either adoptive parents or parents with a genetically related child conceived by in vitro fertilization. The children in these different family types were functioning well and did not differ with respect to their emothions, behavior, or relationships. It was concluded that a strong desire for parenthood seemed to be more importand than genetic relatedness for fosteringtive outcomes may be expected in families where the child and the father are genetically unrelated compared with families where genetic link exists between the father and the child.

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Chinese Parenting Style

Amy Chua, a ‘tiger mom’, shared her Chinese parenting style with the public through publishing book and writing article. Her harsh and rigid parenting style raised lots of discussion and concern around the public. They all raise a question- this parenting style can help children to succeed in the future? I think it may not be that easy to raise a child with harsh parenting style. To a large extent, I disagree the harsh parenting style equal a better future of the child. First we have to define what ‘tiger mom’ is.

It is a Chinese parenting style that harshly and toughly pushes their children to meet their target or expectation, usually in the aspect of academic. In my opinion, better future includes better physical and mental health, wealth. According to a research which is done by Desiree Baolian Qin, a professor in the department of human development and family studies at Michigan State University, Chinese-American kids were more disadvantageous concerning levels of anxiety and depression and the amount of conflict in their families when comparing European-American kids.

The parents do not care what their children’s feeling and perception is. The parents use their authority to push their children. There is a high possibility of conflict between different expectation from parents and children. As sometimes parents have high expectation to children, this put large amount of pressure on children. So, it triggers a certain level of anxiety of children. These combination make children become low self- esteem. Although they will become a profession in the future, they have a bad relationship and a negative impression on parents.

Also, tough parenting style will affect children’s communication skill that largely relate to better future. Like popular tiger parent Amy Chua, she does not allow her daughter to stay at school to play with friends after school. A key concept of schooling is developing students’ social and communication skills. Parents do not let their children to go out but follow their tied schedule. The children will become not sociable. In workplace, there are not just apply professional skills but also communication and social skills that help people to promote to upper managerial level and work ffectively. Therefore, tiger mom is not equal to a better future. However, a coin has two sides, although Chinese parenting style is very mean, it has certain advantages on children’s future. Focusing on effort but not inherent ability is a feature or advantage of Chinese parenting style. Also, it is the key of distinguishing American and Chinese parenting style. Amy Chua doesn’t let her kids believe they can’t succeed. The style nurtures the children with inculcating the concept of working hard. It pushes children to limit to attain the goal which is set by their parents.

This let the children realize that they can make it when working hard. It gradually develops their self confidence and determination to attain a goal. It is well prepared for future to work with colleagues. He or she will become a hard working and determined person in workplace. These are crucial feature of high position in management level. So, a tiger mom equals a better future in this way. Moreover, although parents giving lots of pressure on children will make the relationship tight, it trains children AQ when living and working under pressure.

Adversity Quotient (AQ) is the ability of a person to deal with problems. Chinese parenting style harshly push children to achieve certain goals which is not easy to attain. In this time, children have to think of some ways to cope with the problems to satisfy their parents’ desire. As a result, the skills of problem solving are significant in workplace and also live independently. However, this style will largely effect children emotion when there is high possibility that conflict between children and parents.

Even some kids have been diagnosed of mood disorder. This largely affects the relationship between parents and children and causes apparently mentally unhealthy. So, this is a better future for a child. In conclusion, I admit Chinese parenting style improves children ability of problems solving and develops their determination mind that give them a better future and achievement. However, the parenting style is tremendously rigid to a kid that easily harms their esteem and destroys family relationship.

It will give a negative memory in their mind, even get an unrecoverable wound in their heart. Even though their future is bright and recognized, they have negative feeling and history in their mind that I am not notice as ‘better future’. Thus, I disagree a tiger mom equals a better future in a small extent. Reference list: http://www. livescience. com/18023-tiger-parenting-tough-kids. html http://www. raisesmartkid. com/all-ages/1-articles/47-authoritarian-strict-parenting-vs-permissive-which-is-better

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Parenting: a Balancing Act

Parenting: A Balancing Act “You’re not doing well enough! ” Just how many times have children heard this from their parents? After all, parents do expect their children to do well in life, but sometimes those expectations could place too much of a burden on their children. Most parents worry about the “Big C”, college, which is shown through many of their expectations on their child’s academics, extra-curriculum’s, and sometimes future careers. A study in 2007 by the Childs Trend Databank shows that 69. 7% parents expected their children from 6th to 12th grade to receive a Bachelor’s degree or higher.

Easier said than done right? Of course, the parent might fill their child’s schedule with dozens of E. C’s and A. P classes to make them stand out in the college applications, but that does not mean they will automatically get into any university or college. Like in the article, “Taming the Overachieving Monster”, the composer, Callie Schweitzer, writes: “Does being class president, captain of the track team, and sole organizer of the school’s clothing drive add up to a top college acceptance? No. All it guarantees is stress. ” Parenting requires balance between high and low expectations, a task not to be taken lightly.

Thus, parents need to learn how to limit their own expectations of their children due to the stress it causes on them. In some cases, the parents put their children in many after-school programs and encourage them to do more if they want to. Of course, not all children look forward to doing so much and simply want to hang around with their friends or go out shopping. However, this sometimes leads to conflict between parent and child. “I only want to relax in my room and talk on Facebook and have fun, but my mom yells at me to go do more practice work for the SAT’s. says Anonymous 1, a student. The SAT’s, or the super important test for college, is one of the few tests that is required by colleges in order to apply to them. Out of a maximum 2400 points, parents expect their children to score high in order for them to get into a good college, but to get a high score in the SATs is not exactly the easiest task to do. Some parents expect 2400, some expect 2000 and up, but it still adds more stress to their child when their already grueling schedule is weighted down even more with SAT preparatory classes.

Back in the article, “Taming the Overachieving Monster”, Callie Schweitzer states, “It’s natural to want your child to succeed, but what, exactly, qualifies as achievement? Too many of today’s parents define it as a 2400 on the SATs*, a schedule full of AP classes, and extracurricular activities that take up every afternoon of the school week. Parents often dismiss the reality of the hours of homework this kind of academic load entails”. And it is quite true; some parents do often dismiss the amount of workload coming from all these academic loads.

In a clear sense, parents need to get rid of college rankings or reputations because any college can give their children a good education despite the rank, if their children actually work hard and try. Just because a college or university is ranked high does not mean that going to any college that is not ranked high nor has a great reputation like the “Ivy Leagues” will not give a good education. After all, even if you have a degree from a “prestigious” college, there is no guarantee that employers will fight for you or you getting instant jobs the moment you step out.

Like in the article, “Taming the Overachieving Monster,” Callie Schweitzer, quotes, Alexandra Robbins, best-selling author of The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids. Robbins writes,”’Forget the name-brands, forget the reputations in your area and social circles, and for goodness sake, throw the college rankings in the trash. ’” Getting a job takes your own effort and time, not solely on getting a degree from a “super-ranked college”. “My parents expect me to get into the UC’s only and not any State schools or City Colleges,” replies Anonymous 5, yet another student worried about their future paths.

To be honest, it really is up to the student to choose which college he or she wants to go to and not the parent deciding which college for them. True, any parents can expect their child to do well in school and life, but even that can lead to too much of a burden upon their child. It must be taken into account that not all students enjoy studying for school or even actually going to school. After all, everyone is different, but that is not really taken into account when it comes to schooling or work.

As in many cases, there are good and bad sides to expectations from parents. In some cases, it can be harmful or stressful for the student and sometimes helpful. “My mom expects a lot out of me and I do find it wearing at times, but I do believe that it helps me work harder in school,” informs Anonymous 2, another student. Sometimes, children with high expectations from parents feel the urge to do well in sports or school to meet their parent’s expectations. Of course, to set yourself high and fail lets you learn from your mistakes and reevaluate your pathway from that.

High expectations also means that kids may not be as lazy or lax about doing well in life because setting a goal in life, whether it be made by the parent or child, does help lead the way in the future. Some students have greater confidence for themselves because they know that they can achieve high expectations from their parents as well as goals. In the article, “Debate: Parental Expectations”, the writer, Lu Shizhen, writes, “Parental expectations can motivate children to build a strong mind and encourage them to achieve their best academic performance.

Therefore, there is nothing wrong with parents who pin expectations on the development of their children. However, such parental expectations should be realistic. ” Unfortunately, planning to aim high is a good idea, but making realistic goals to achieve is not the easiest thing to do. Also, in some cases, parents might not recognize the successes of their children managing to achieve the expectations that the parents have set, which winds up leaving the child not enjoying to succeed or have major goals. “I do what my mom expects me to do all the time, but most of the time, my mom gives me even harder things to accomplish,” says Anonymous 3.

Not all kids feel like doing every last thing parents throw at them and parents need to learn how to respect that. After all, some parents do not see how their expectations stress their children out more than it actually helps them. Eventually the stress can be too much and might crack in your child dropping of many kinds. Parents should not expect their child to live up to every expectation, because everyone has different wants, likes, personalities, hates, etc. Just like in the article, “Why Can’t Johnny Jump Tall Buildings? , the composer Alan Kazdin tells us, “Just remember, as you go about it, that it’s only human for parents to tend to expect that our children can do more than they can really do. Even slight adjustments of your expectations to compensate for that tendency—a little more emphasis on shaping, a little more patience, a little reflection on what’s really important to you as a parent and what behaviors can be left to disappear or develop on their own—can produce surprisingly excellent results. ” Parents expect a lot out of their children because they truly want the best from them, but often times it can go too far.

Many parents do not want their children to follow their path, especially if their path was filled with difficulty and problems that they do not want their children to face, so they want to see them do better and have a life without any of the hardship their parents have faced. However, some parents force their children to do extra work in order for them not to face the problems they had and not everyone likes doing extra work. “Well, it’s true that I want my kids to achieve far in life, but I also know that I probably sometimes do a bit too much”, says Anonymous 5, a mother of 3.

After all, parent’s expectations come from their care, but even that could be too much for their child. Of course, parents would not mind their kids to get into “name brand, great reputation colleges”, but that would be up to the child. ” I do believe that my parents want me to achieve well in life and all, but they sometimes annoy me to no end. ” says Anonymous 6, a student, “I really hate it when I’m doing something I, myself, want to do, but then my parents yell at me to do something they want me to do. Their Intentions are good, but they need to know about my own feelings when it comes to their expectations. Teenagers have a lot to say about a wide range of topics, but when it comes to their parents it can be endless. After all, the looming threat of college in the typical teenager’s life causes anxiety for both the teen and parent. Unfortunately, that anxiety could lead to a split in the parent and child relationship. “Sometimes their expectations are too much for me to do. I do one good thing, but they view more of the bad things I do,” says Anonymous 4, another student, “It’s hard to achieve what they want. I understand them, but I wish they understood me more as well.

Their expectations affect my life both in a good way and bad way since it makes me work harder, but leads to me getting a lot of stress and frustrations. ” After all, do parents truly understand their children’s feelings? Perhaps not. Due to the anxiety to see their children get into college and doing well in their life, some parents do not take the teenager’s feelings into consideration. “They do expect me to do well in school, and to achieve my goals, but not to do anything I want,” says Anonymous 5, “Sure, they want me to do what I really want to pursue and become in life, but at times they can be confusing to me. Of course, not all parents expect so much out of their children, but not to the point where expectations are completely lacking. “My mom, she doesn’t expect me to be perfect, with great grades, 4. 0’s, or anything, so we get along fine. I do not find that affects my life that much, although my siblings influence my good grades in school, because I do not want to follow what they did in their lives. Expectations have its ups and downs, but everyone views it differently. “My mom expects me to get 4. 0’s and to get as many E. A’s as possible, which I do not find likable.

Many times, we argue over the stress of my achieving well and the threat of college, but it usually never ends well. I believe that my life is more stressed and frustrated than before and I am getting tired of it,” says Anonymous 6. In the end, parents definitely need to at least try to see if their children are becoming stressed out trying to pass their expectations. However, are expectations from parents really needed? Truthfully, expectations can help improve the mind set of students and their own expectations of doing well for themselves. A lack of expectations might lead to a drop in schoolwork and an allowance of bad grades.

Students with uncaring parents might wind up with themselves having low expectations on grades what they expect in life from their parents. Some students believe that their parent’s expectations really are not needed in their already stressed lives. “Well, I could just put my parent’s voices onto a tape recorder and that would be good enough. I hate how they want me to do all this stuff when I just want to do things I really want to do. I find the expectations unneeded in my life because they just add more stress in my life and annoy me to no end,” states Anonymous 1.

This came from a friend who particularly has a bad relationship with his parents. Some students think that their parent’s expectations help them, but dislike them at the same time. “I think that my parent’s expectations help me believe that I can do well and it makes me work harder, but sometimes it becomes too much. Because if I do well, my parents expect me to even better and even if I do well in one spot, they look at a bad spot, which is frustrating,” tells Anonymous 4. “I do think that my parent’s expectations help me make goals in my life, but I hate it.

At first, I do think they suck, but I do realize that expectations from my parents are not that bad, it is just that they sometimes expect too much out of me and ticks me off. ” says Anonymous 6. From this, parent’s expectations do have an impact on their children’s lives both negatively and positively. In the end, some students wish to deal with their parent’s expectations, but do not know how to do so. In Elizabeth Ryan’s, Straight Talk About Parents, she recommends talking to your parents on the “rules” or “chores” you have to do and why they bother you.

After all, talking aloud with your parents about your problems with their expectations is definitely a start to compromising. She says that if you want to handle these problems, then start by asking yourself: What are the rules in my family? What are the rules do I think are clear to everyone? Which rules do I think are not clear to everyone? What can I do to get the unclear rules to be clearer? Which rules do I think are fair? Which rules do I think are unfair or unnecessary? Which rule am I the most upset about? Think about your parent’s feelings and not just your own, they might only just want the best out of you.

Try to make your parents listen to your reasons on why they are “bad” with their expectations. Instead of always disagreeing and arguing, try to find things to agree on instead of nagging each other. Take note of your own feelings as well as your parents because they might just be taking note of your well-being or future. In case you may not feel like talking to your parents, why not talk to a good friend? Friends should always be there for each other, especially in times of hardship. Talk to your friend about your problems and what they think you should do. If not, just let it out.

Yes, crying is human nature and a way of releasing emotion instead of bottling it up. If you’re mad you can just punch the stuffing out of your pillow, you just might find that you feel better after beating your anger out. Hopefully, parents might one day learn how to balance their expectations to not be too much or too little. It might take a while because, after all, parenting is quite the balancing act. Anonymous 1. Personal interview. 25 Jan. 2012. Anonymous 2. Personal interview. 25 Jan. 2012. Anonymous 3. Personal interview. 25 Jan. 2012. Anonymous 4. Personal interview. 25 Jan. 2012.

Anonymous 5. Personal interview. 25 Jan. 2012. Anonymous 6. Personal interview. 26 Jan. 2012. Anonymous 7. Personal interview. 26 Jan. 2012. Kazdin, Alan. “Why Can’t Johnny Jump Tall Buildings? ” Slate. The Slate Group,      2012. Web. 29 Jan. 2012. <http://www. slate. com/articles/life/family/2008/      11/why_cant_johnny_jump_tall_buildings. single. html>. “Percentage of Children in Grades 6-12 Whose Parents Expect Them To Receive a Bachelor’s Degree or Higher, 2003 and 2007. ” Chart. N. p. : Child Trends DataBank, 2007. Childs Trends DataBank. Web. 1 Feb. 2012. <http://www. hildtrendsdatabank. org/? q=node/366>. Ryan, Elizabeth A. Straight Talk About Parents. New York: New York Facts On File, 1989. Print. Schweitzer, Callie. “Taming the Overachieving Monster. “Parenting Teens Online. iFOS Publishing and Parenting Teens Network. , Jan. 2008. Web. 27 Jan. 2012. <http://www. parentingteensonline. com/article/show/title/ Taming_the_Overachieving_Monster>. Shizhen, Lu. “Debate: Parental Expectations. ” China Daily. China Daily,      1995-2012. Web. 29 Jan. 2012. <http://www. chinadaily. com. cn/opinion/      2011-05/30/content_12601014_2. htm>.